Are you bold enough to let go?

There is a massive difference between forcing something and fighting for something. Letting go is hard. It requires strength and self advocacy. But, it's also important to have discernment to learn the difference between the two. Clinging to what's not meant for us deprives us from living a life that's meant for us.

Tug-of-war: Forcing it vs. fighting for it

You deserve to be happy. We all do. True happiness comes from our willingness to make the tough decision to honor needs. It stings when what's comfortable is no longer for us. But like in most situations, admitting is the first step. How do you know when it's time to let go? When you have to force or beg something to be, then it is time to reassess whether it really is for you.

I get it, some situations just need a little manipulating and some people need a little convincing, right? Wrong. You are not a beggar. Clinging to people and situations that we have to force to stay put deprives us of happiness and progression. Letting go may not feel good in the moment, but it'll pay off in the long run. Are you really going to feel confident remaining in a situation that you had to manipulate?

My ex told me he did not think he loved me anymore but wanted to be friends. I just knew he was making a mistake and I could convince him otherwise. We had plans to get married! He was just under a lot of pressure. So, I agreed to be his friend. We both had different motives. He was interested in keeping me around to figure out his feelings for me, and I was interested in manipulating the situation to change his mind.

I blamed my control issues on God. But somehow, I didn't feel happy. All I wanted was for him to be in my life, so why did I feel so unsettled? I was asking my Pastor for advice which really meant trying to convince her to affirm my decision to remain friends with him. If I'm being honest, I thought I was doing a pretty good job too! But she responded with a zinger, "are you giving yourself the self-respect that you deserve? What about your healing? He told you how he felt about you, so why is it that you're trying to change his mind. You deserve more than that. Let him go.". Her words hit me like a train and made me realize that's God wasn't urging me to force things, my need for control and fear of being alone were.

Both him and I were trying to force a love that was lost for selfish reasons, and we ended up hurting each other even more. Had we let go when we felt led to, we would have avoided all of the overly dramatic conversations and emotional responses.

Now whether you believe in God or not, is not the point. The point is, we deserve the utmost love and respect, especially from ourselves. Forcing things pushes love out and opens the door for insecurities and feelings of discontentment to rule our emotions and dictate our decisions.

Sometimes you just gotta let it be

Letting go can feel like we are throwing in the towel, like we are losing our grasp on the things and people that aren't meant for us. There is a huge difference between forcing and fighting for something. Fighting for something is when we put in the work to create and maintain habits that are conducive to the life destined for us. Forcing something is manipulating a situation to fulfill personal interests, even though it is clearly ill fitted. We cannot defy gravity. We can try, but we will exert all of our energy fighting something that will get its way in the end. If we waste all of our energy trying to manipulate the things that aren't meant for us, then how can we give ourselves the energy we need to grow and become who we want to be?

What's for you will always be for you. As corny as it sounds, it's the truth. The work that we are putting in is meant to enhance our situation, not manipulate it . Giving into our relentless need to be in control can prevent us from the change we have been looking for. Growth and evolution are out of our reach if we allow our fear of change paralyze us. Our reluctance to let go can reveal a lot of fears and insecurities that we did not know existed.

Self assessment time

Are you begging for someone to stay in your life? Are you trying to force a love that no longer exists? Do you keep trying to prove your worth to an employer or friends? It's okay, we've all been there before. I am still working on these things.

Remember, the first step is admitting. Then, brainstorm ways to address your need to be in control. Have an honest conversation with yourself about what you need to feel happy. Asses the areas in your life where control is a struggle and what the root of that may be. We've got this! Change does not happen overnight, so be sure to shower yourself with love and patience.

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